Overview: Three Directional Patterns
When you do an action FOR someone or someone does an action FOR you, Japanese uses three patterns based on direction:
| Pattern | Direction | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 〜てあげる | I → Others | I do for them |
| 〜てくれる | Others → Me | They do for me |
| 〜てもらう | Others → Me | I have them do for me |
手伝ってあげた
"I helped (them)"
手伝ってくれた
"(They) helped me"
手伝ってもらった
"I had (them) help me"
〜てあげる - Doing FOR Others
Pattern: Verb-て + あげる/やる/さしあげる
I do something FOR someone else:
友達を手伝ってあげた
"I helped my friend"
弟に本を読んであげる
"I'll read a book to my younger brother"
先生に説明してさしあげました
"I explained to the teacher" (honorific)
Structure
Doer + は + Recipient + に/を + Verb-て + あげる
私は友達に英語を教えてあげた
"I taught English to my friend"
母が妹に服を作ってあげた
"My mother made clothes for my younger sister"
Politeness Variations
手伝ってあげる (casual)
手伝ってあげます (polite)
手伝ってやる (very casual, can be rough)
手伝ってさしあげる (honorific)
Warning: Can Sound Condescending
Using 〜てあげる too much can sound like bragging:
Sounds pompous: 教えてあげたんだよ ⚠️
Better: 教えたよ ✓
"I taught (them)"
Use it naturally, not to show off your kindness!
〜てくれる - Others Doing FOR Me
Pattern: Verb-て + くれる/くださる
Someone does something FOR ME:
友達が手伝ってくれた
"My friend helped me"
母が料理を作ってくれた
"My mother cooked for me"
先生が教えてくださいました
"My teacher taught me" (honorific)
Structure
Doer + が + (me/us) + に + Verb-て + くれる
友達が(私に)英語を教えてくれた
"My friend taught me English"
先生が推薦状を書いてくださった
"My teacher wrote a recommendation letter for me"
Often Used for Gratitude
来てくれてありがとう
"Thanks for coming"
手伝ってくれて助かった
"Your help really saved me"
覚えていてくれて嬉しい
"I'm happy you remembered"
Politeness Variations
手伝ってくれる (casual)
手伝ってくれます (polite)
手伝ってください (imperative - please)
手伝ってくださる (honorific)
〜てもらう - Having Someone Do FOR Me
Pattern: Verb-て + もらう/いただく
I have/get someone to do something FOR ME:
友達に手伝ってもらった
"I had my friend help me"
先生に説明していただきました
"I had my teacher explain" (humble)
母に作ってもらった
"I had my mother make it"
Structure
Receiver + は + Doer + に + Verb-て + もらう
私は友達に英語を教えてもらった
"I had my friend teach me English"
弟は姉に宿題を手伝ってもらった
"My younger brother had our older sister help with homework"
Used for Requests (Potential Form)
手伝ってもらえますか？
"Can you help me?" (Can I have you help me?)
説明してもらえる？
"Can you explain?" (casual)
教えていただけますか？
"Could you teach me?" (humble)
Politeness Variations
手伝ってもらう (casual)
手伝ってもらいます (polite)
手伝っていただく (humble)
手伝っていただきます (polite humble)
Comparing the Three
Same situation, three perspectives:
I help friend (〜てあげる):
私は友達を手伝ってあげた
"I helped my friend"
Focus: My favor to them
Friend helps me (〜てくれる):
友達が私を手伝ってくれた
"My friend helped me"
Focus: Their favor to me (gratitude)
I have friend help (〜てもらう):
私は友達に手伝ってもらった
"I had my friend help me"
Focus: I received help (my benefit)
Choosing the Right Pattern
Use 〜てあげる when:
- You're the one doing the favor
- Talking about helping others
- Third person helps another
私が教えてあげた
"I taught (them)"
母が作ってあげた
"My mother made it (for someone)"
Use 〜てくれる when:
- Someone does something for you
- Expressing gratitude
- Appreciating someone's action
友達が教えてくれた
"My friend taught me"
ありがとう、来てくれて
"Thanks for coming"
Use 〜てもらう when:
- You receive a favor
- You request someone to do something
- Focus on your benefit
友達に教えてもらった
"I had my friend teach me"
手伝ってもらえますか？
"Can you help me?"
Common Conversations
Example 1: Helping
A: 昨日手伝ってくれてありがとう
"Thanks for helping yesterday"
B: いいよ、また困ったら言ってね
"No problem, tell me if you need help again"
A: 今度何か手伝ってあげるよ
"I'll help you with something next time"
Example 2: Request
A: ちょっと手伝ってもらえる？
"Can you help me a bit?"
B: いいよ、何？
"Sure, what is it?"
A: この箱を運ぶの手伝って
"Help me carry this box"
Example 3: Gratitude
A: 先生が推薦状を書いてくださいました
"My teacher wrote a recommendation letter for me"
B: よかったですね
"That's great"
A: 本当に感謝しています
"I'm truly grateful"
Making Requests
Casual Requests
手伝ってくれる？
"Will you help me?" (using くれる)
手伝ってもらえる？
"Can I get you to help?" (using もらう)
Polite Requests
手伝ってくれますか？
"Will you help me?"
手伝ってもらえますか？
"Could you help me?"
手伝っていただけますか？
"Could you help me?" (humble)
Very Polite Requests
手伝ってくださいますか？
"Would you help me?"
手伝っていただけますでしょうか？
"May I ask you to help?"
With Different Verbs
Teaching
教えてあげる - I'll teach (them)
教えてくれる - (They) teach me
教えてもらう - I have (them) teach me
Making/Cooking
作ってあげる - I'll make (for them)
作ってくれる - (They) make for me
作ってもらう - I have (them) make for me
Explaining
説明してあげる - I'll explain (to them)
説明してくれる - (They) explain to me
説明してもらう - I have (them) explain to me
Common Mistakes
Mistake 1: Wrong direction with あげる
Wrong: 友達が私に教えてあげた ❌
Right: 友達が私に教えてくれた ✓
"My friend taught me"
あげる is for giving OUT, not receiving!
Mistake 2: Overusing てあげる
Sounds pompous: いろいろ教えてあげたんだよ ⚠️
More humble: いろいろ教えたよ ✓
"I taught various things"
Mistake 3: Wrong particle
Wrong: 友達を手伝ってもらった ❌
Right: 友達に手伝ってもらった ✓
"I had my friend help me"
もらう uses に for the doer!
Mistake 4: Confusing くれる and もらう
Both correct but different nuance:
手伝ってくれた
"(They) helped me" (gratitude focus)
手伝ってもらった
"I had (them) help me" (benefit focus)
Nuance Differences
くれる vs もらう
Both mean someone did something for you:
〜てくれる - Emphasizes their kindness:
友達が教えてくれた
"My friend (kindly) taught me"
Feels grateful, appreciative
〜てもらう - Emphasizes your benefit:
友達に教えてもらった
"I had my friend teach me"
More neutral, factual
Politeness Hierarchy
Casual
〜てあげる / 〜てやる
〜てくれる
〜てもらう
Polite
〜てあげます
〜てくれます
〜てもらいます
Honorific/Humble
〜てさしあげる (giving up)
〜てくださる (receiving from above)
〜ていただく (receiving from above)
Practice Sentences
Basic
友達を手伝ってあげた
"I helped my friend"
母が料理を作ってくれた
"My mother cooked for me"
先生に説明していただいた
"I had my teacher explain"
Intermediate
弟に宿題を教えてあげました
"I taught my younger brother his homework"
友達が駅まで送ってくれた
"My friend took me to the station"
先生に推薦状を書いてもらった
"I had my teacher write a recommendation"
Advanced
困っている友達を助けてあげたい
"I want to help my friend who's in trouble"
みんなが応援してくれたおかげで成功できた
"I succeeded thanks to everyone's support"
専門家に詳しく説明していただけますか？
"Could I have the expert explain in detail?"
Related Grammar Points
- Giving: あげる/やる/さしあげる - Giving verbs
- Receiving: もらう/いただく - Receiving verbs
- Favor: くれる/くださる - Someone gives to me
- Perspective in Japanese - Point of view
- Benefactive expressions - Doing favors
- Request patterns - Asking politely